Scrawled Ink
by LynniePearl
Summary: **POST 2x13.2x13 SPOILERS** End scene inspired. He'll never regret them, never forget them, but knows they aren't them anymore. Because he's not him anymore.


_**A/N I don't own anything. Just a post 2x13 Inspired by the scene of bed comfort and Chuck's note. Read second author's note for any clarifications. * Also, take a look at the brilliant piece by D R O W N S - I N - S E Q U I N S I've , I was going to write a continuation from Blair's point of view, but this piece is so magnificent I no longer felt I had to:) .net/s/4705459/1/Drag_Me_Through_The_Dirt **  
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_**Thanks to my Beth as always :). **Please let me know what you think **  
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This isn't them; it's not who they are. They're vulgar and petty, calculating and vindictive. They don't caress, don't comfort, or _care_. She doesn't whisper soft words or wipe tears from his eyes. He doesn't whimper or rock back and forth.

They don't lay on her bed, don't cuddle in silence, don't tangle their legs all together. She never lovingly pushes his hair from his forehead, or slowly kneads the tension from his neck. He never clings to her like she's a tether to life, tears never leek from his eyes and darken her pillow.

They never whisper their dark fears, never talk without hidden meaning; never relinquish the game they both love. He doesn't relax in her presence or need her heartbeat pressed to his back. She doesn't cry in front of him; tears don't openly stream down her face. They don't find contentment in silence, or respite in each other. They never stroke, or soften, or soothe.

This isn't them; it's not what they do. They fight and snip and taunt and tease. They don't reassure, or relieve, or _respect._ She doesn't rub his back gently or murmur things sweetly. He doesn't show any weakness or shake with unrestrained grief. They don't lay atop of covers, don't touch only in innocence; don't hold each other still fully clothed in the night. She never hums to him softly or sways with him faintly. He never talks of his mother; of how he still misses her.

They never trust the other fully, never loosen completely, never truly let down their guard. He doesn't want her sympathy or need her fingers in his hair. She doesn't promise to be there; truths never flow freely from her lips. They don't ever breathe easily or kiss through tears tenderly. They never smooth, secure, or sustain.

This isn't them; it's not how they are. They push and pull and bend and break. They aren't hopeful, or happy, or _helpful_. She's not mellow or tender. He's not broken or vulnerable. They aren't cordial, or caring, or kind. She's not maternal or protective. He's doesn't shatter or vanish. They aren't genial, gentle, or good. He doesn't crumble or snap. She doesn't bolster or support.

They aren't lenient, or loving, or loyal. She never watches over him with devotion, doesn't tell him she loves him, or forgive him of all his sins. He never tells her he needs her; or begs her to hold him, or expresses his sincere gratitude. They don't murmur their secrets, or offer up favors, or think of anyone but themselves. They never fall asleep together; dream of their future, or reach for the other in the dark.

This isn't him, and it's not her; and it's not them. The sun never rises on him with her in his arms. He never wakes facing porcelain stained with tears. His heart doesn't break at the sight of her small hand fisted tightly in his shirt.

This isn't who they _are_; this isn't who he _was_ or who he's willing to _be_. She doesn't deserve this; doesn't deserve him, but will always deserve so much more. So he doesn't slip from her bed, doesn't sneak out the door, doesn't leave only worlds scrawled in ink.

He'll never regret them, never forget them, but knows they aren't _them_ anymore.

Because he's not _him_ anymore.

And will never be.

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**A/N He's lost his father, his world is entirely upside down. His life isn't his own anymore. He is completely changed, and lying next to Blair the end of the eppy makes him realize just how much. Because she IS being maternal, and she IS comforting him and he IS falling apart. His father IS dead. Everything is isn't Chuck anymore and therefore they aren't them anymore.  
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**And so, even though he's gone to her for comfort, he leaves because he can't handle any of it.  
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**I think he needs to self destruct before he can reclaim any part of himself from before Bart's death. I'm not upset he left her, it's about *HIM* not them and he needs to be *HIM* again before they can be them. I have faith that they will, because he went to HER to break down and he realizes that it wouldn't be fair to her to wait on the sidelines while he implodes on himself. So he leaves.**

**lynne**

**(for more of any explanation/discussion head on over to my LJ)**

**.net/s/4705459/1/Drag_Me_Through_The_Dirt (you need to read this, trust me.)  
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